Unification VS Separation

   I have some quite wonderful experiences while using the WiFi service at my neighborhood McDonald's.  Seems this location is right on the highway that leads folks out of the Monterey area to the adjoining freeways.  I've had many experiences of meeting people from all over the world who are just passing through and are on 'holiday' from other countries, often Europeans.  Today was another experience.
   Spending time with Sebastian and his long time partner Esther, both from Niort, France, we spoke about many things.  The common thread we found was not only the physical beauty they have experienced in this country but the beauty of the people.  These mere conversations amongst strangers form a type of universal unification.
   The thought occurred to me about the difficulties we, I, find ourselves in with our neighbors,
co-workers, family, etc. that create separation.  The simplest misunderstandings get blown way out of proportion.  The listening ear seems to become deaf and assumptions made.
   While meeting and speaking with many foreigners, I find myself really, really having to 'listen' to what is being said.  Accents, mannerisms, volume of voice, etc., can become misleading.  This is the same when separations occur.  Is real 'listening' happening or are we assuming that we know the next thing that will be said because of past experiences?
   I have become disenchanted when those we encounter on a daily basis become cause for distance yet those from a great distance become the HOPE for unifying one sense and love for ALL people.  Mysterious, confusing, frustration - yet MAGICAL.
   I choose the MAGICAL!  What will you choose?

Heaven !

Recently I had a flashback of a wonderful memory that really never leaves me.  I thought it powerful enough to share her.  Here is my story from the memory of a 53 year old of the experience of a child.

When I was 3 years old I went to a parent co-op nursery school.  Being a parent co-op, my mom volunteered mornings with us.  One morning she came to awaken me to prepare for school.  I awoke with a start, hysterical, angry and crying.  She had taken me away from a place I wish to share with you.  She sat with me and asked her to tell her the story.  This is what I told her, as clear as if it were yesterday.

'Twas a very warm and loving place filled with many things

I cannot remember seeing any faces

I still remember the sense of Spirit and of the God I knew as a 3 year old child

I was held in someones or somethings embrace

It was a very quiet and peaceful place filled with beautiful colors

In the silence and quiet

I could hear EVERYTHING quite clearly

I felt as though I knew everything there was to ever know

The place was amazing and beautiful and busy

In it's stillness

Relaxing, pleasant, etc.

I KNEW that I was just a baby but I also was full of WISDOM

I went to that place a few times and have prayed to be taken at other times

I KNOW I experienced HEAVEN

Not in a dream

Not in my imagination

I really believe, to this day, that God invited me to His Kingdom

Sot that I would KNOW

I ALWAYS had a place

Even at that young age

I was fearful for the death of my mom, of losing her

Yet, when I was with her as she lay dying

I remembered this place

HEAVEN

I KNEW then as I KNOW now

Without a shadow of a doubt

That HEAVEN exists and that

There is NO HELL

Other than what we live in today.

I offer you this same sense and that perhaps, we can all experience a bit of HEAVEN in our daily HELLS.

The mind of a child is precious and so simply in any complex (?'s) !

Who is the LEADER of YOUR BAND?

   While listening to a mix of music today, up comes this song that I've not heard in many years.  I think I was about 25 years old and working as a Coordinator of Youth Ministry at the time, when my dad was spending Father's Day in Nebraska with my mom and her parents.  I wanted to gift him with something so special that he would always remember.  I decided that I would record this song, leave a personal message at the end and send it off.
   This song really spoke to me in so many ways:  First, that the Leader of MY Band was two-fold and both spoke of Father.  Father / God  and  Father / Dad.  I've written the lyrics for you and will tell you what happened after this was sent to my dad.

LEADER of the BAND

Dan Fogelbert

An only child, alone and wild

A cabinet maker's son

His hands were meant for different work

And his heart was known to none

He left his home and went his lone

And solitary way

And he gave to me a gift I know

I never can repay

A quiet man of music

Denied a simpler fate

He tried to be a soldier once

But his music wouldn't wait

He earned his love through discipline

A thundering, velvet hand

His gentle means of sculpting souls

Took me years to understand

The leader of the band is tired

And his eyes are growin' old

But his blood runs through my instrument

And his song is in my soul

My life has been a poor attempt

To imitate the man

Oh, I'm just a living legacy

To the leader of the band

My brothers' lives were different

For they heard another call

One went to Chicago

And the other to St. Paul

And I'm in Colorado

When I'm not in some hotel

Living out this life I've chose

And come to know so well

I thank you for the music

And your stories of the road

I thank you for the freedom

When it came my time to go

I thank you for your kindness

And the times when you got tough

And Papa, I don't think I said

"I love you" near enough

The leader of the band is tired

And his eyes are growin' old

But his blood runs through his instrument

And his song is in my soul

My life has been a poor attempt

To imitate the man

Oh, I'm just a living legacy

To the leader of the band

I am a living legacy

To the leader of the band.

   The message I spoke about to my dad had to do with his example to me as a child and my appreciation of him as a person.  He had taught me much, and also hid much within himself (as the song speaks).  I told him that one of the most important things I learned from him was NEVER to drink alcohol to the point of being out of control.

   You see, my dad was an alcoholic.  I NEVER wanted to be like him in this ONE sense.  I plead with him in my message to PLEASE quit drinking.  My mom shared with me that when he heard and read the words I had gifted him with, he began to cry.

   Some years later, he over did it and was 'drunk'.  We got in a verbal argument (which was common), and he took the tape I had made along with the card / letter and threw it at me saying, "You did not mean any of this".   Well, I knew better than to argue at this point but saved everything.

   Seventeen years later, as my mom lay dying at home, I said to my dad, "Dad, if you'd like me to continue to live here and help you out - then you've got to quit drinking!"  My mom passed on July 2, 2002.  My dad NEVER drank again  and passed on November 15, 2006.  Within days of mom's passing, my dad asked if I still had the tape and letter!  Of course, I did and returned it to him with love, hugs & kisses.  A miracle had occurred around the illness of alcoholism.

   Father / God  and  Father / Dad  are really one in the same to me and have always been..  I cannot see either of them.  I can, however, feel both of them.  I've not been guided by just one, but by both.  I have been blessed all the way around.

   I KNOW who the LEADER of my BAND is!  Who is yours?



WHY?

   Why do things happen the way they do?  People die abruptly.  Connections are made and then lost. Comfort zones become zones of discomfort.  Commitments are made and then never followed through.  The list goes on and on and on . . . yet for me, on this day, in this time, I only have a few questions that are left unanswered.
   This morning I received a call from a church member informing me that a beautiful, giving, humble and God blessed woman, lost her life last night.  She wasn't sick.  No one killed her.  She just simply didn't feel well and on her way home - passed out at the wheel, crashed and died.  Just like that!  No preparation for those left behind.  Shock, disbelief, tears, etc. from all who knew her.  But I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this woman was always prepared - simply by the way in which she lived her life.
   The Rector, at the church where I worship, has ten more days before her 'interim' position is finished.  A full-time Rector will be hired and lead this very same flock of people.  I have known her for a short time in man's calendar, but in my heart I feel as though I have known her far longer.  She has allowed me to open up and share my Spiritual self.  Not that others don't - but she understands!  She has walked along many of the same roads that I now find myself walking.
   Fifty three years ago my parents chose for me to be baptized and in doing so chose my 'Godparents'.  It just so happens that my father was in the Army stationed in Germany and the Godparents were also a military family.  I grew up never knowing my Godparents and envying my siblings for all knowing and having a relationship with theirs.  Interestingly enough, I happen to be the one to always be involved in some way, shape or form.
   How is this all connected?  Let me share:  The Rector, when I shared my story of a lack of God parenthood, suggested I 'adopt' Godparent(s).  I've spent time in prayer and made a decision to ask a member of my church if I could 'adopt' her.  This was the week I was going to do so.  Last night she was killed.  WHY?
   Perhaps a lesson is being shown to me.  This is NOT a new lesson - but one which I have had much difficulty in accepting.  This is the lesson of PATIENCE!  Without patience, I will always ask the question WHY!  WITH Patience, the answer will be shown to me and the need to question is less prevalent.
   So, this being said, the writings of today can be condensed into three words: 

WHY = irrelevant = PATIENCE

May I, you, the world, ALL of us LIVE by these three words.  Reverse them if need be, then laugh.

Far too long!

   I've realized that it has been far too long since I've written a post here.  Many people that I am surrounded by in my life, both locally and afar, are dealing with various illnesses and I've placed my energies in prayer for them as well as encouragement, smiles, cards, etc.  Anything and everything to lift their Spirit!
   I have a short verse to share with you and ask that you keep yourself well in all aspects of your life.  I also ask that you keep your Spirits uplifted for yourself.  Only in this way can we be of any benefit to those in need of our support and positive thoughts.

She Who Heals – An American Indian Healing Prayer

Mother, sing me a song That will ease my pain, Mend broken bones, Bring wholeness again. Catch my babies When they are born, Sing my death song, Teach me how to mourn. Show me the Medicine Of the healing herbs, The value of spirit, The way I can serve. Mother, heal my heart So that I can see The gifts of yours That can live through me. So, however you read this, or the need to change some words, know that it is all positive and sent to you as well as within me! Be blessed! Michele  

The BEAUTY of NATURALNESS

   Today I was blessed to meet four wonderfully beautiful women all radiating their very beauty through their original naturalness.  These women came for an ice-cream cone and were dressed as though they may have come from church services.  The youngest was 72 years old and the eldest about 90 years old.  Each had white hair, little if any make-up, wonderful smiles, cute giggles and sparkling eyes!
   As I often do, I greeted them and we chatted for a bit.  I share this because their simple demeanor and delightfulness brought wonder to my soul.  Seems my Spirit has been so overwhelmed with the goodness of ALL and the KINDNESS of many that my poor little baby eyes have been crying tears for the better part of this day.  Continuously flowing while at church I had to self-check and repeatedly ask WHAT was going on within me.
   Taking some time to be still and quiet I've realized that the LOUDNESS in my QUIET is a voice that has been calling me for years and years.  The tears come as I rejoice in the sound of what I have finally come to hear what I am listening to.
   Yes indeed, I have continually been called to 'ministry' above and beyond what it is I've accomplished.  I am so near to taking that next step to ensure I do not place cotton in my ears another time. 
  
   I MUST listen! 
   I WILL listen!
   I do HEAR your calling me!
   I'm COMING!
 
   When I wipe my eyes yet again, I shall return.  Thank you ladies for surrounding me with your Spirit so that I may listen to mine.

"GOD"

Yes Michele

GRANT ME

Whatever you need my child

THE SERENITY

Just be still

TO ACCEPT

What I have given you

THE THINGS

all things

I CANNOT CHANGE

I understand

THE COURAGE

You ARE courageous

TO CHANGE

What I have given you

THE THINGS I CAN

You ARE capable

AND

THE

WISDOM

Discern - you ARE wise!

TO

KNOW

THE

DIFFERENCE

with patience & "L"ove I GIVE you ALL!

Fondest of memories to Mom who LIVED this prayer.



"911"

   While sitting in McDonald's hooked up to the WiFi I noticed a handsome man with two stunningly gorgeous children.  All had dark, curly hair and light blue eyes.  The boy was between 7 yrs. and 9 yrs. and the little girl between 2 1/2 yrs. and 3 1/2.  Such a fun place to be, what a treat, out with dad for a bite to eat.  NOT the case.
   As I sat quietly working on the computer, I catch a glimpse of a 'monster' with teeth so gritted I thought they would break.  Using a soft, but harsh voice with threatening eyes and hand motions, I chose to lend an ear.  "SILENCE" he'd say to the little one.  Interesting, as I never heard a word uttered from her small mouth.  "SIT STILL" he harshly whispers to the boy as he points his finger in his face.  There were absolutely NO words or MOVEMENTS from either child.
   Each time the dad left the table, he threatened the children if they should speak, move or anything else for that matter.  I saw and heard him hand baby wipes to each child over eight times, insisting that they had touched something dirty.  WHOA!  We are in McDonald's folks.
   Having seen and heard enough, I had to refrain from speaking my mind.  Yet, what was I to do?  These children had NO VOICE and I was fearful for them.  I decided that I WOULD be that voice. 
   Quietly and without looking their way, I walked out of the restaurant, retrieved my cell phone, and called 911.  Reaching the California Highway Patrol I was then transferred to the local Police Department.  I shared what I had observed along with my concerns and asked if a welfare check could be made on the children's behalf.  I gave the required information and identifying factors as well as the demeanor of the parent and my fear for the children.
   Returning inside, I again observed absolutely unacceptable behavior, words and threats.  Sick to my stomach I had to walk outside immediately as he told the children to do this and carry that, etc.  They packed it up and left.
   Armed with my cell phone, I sauntered to the parking lot as though I were going to make a phone call.  I then went to my contacts and typed in the description of the car along with license plate and identifying marks on the vehicle.  Immediately, I returned a call to the Police as they had not yet arrived and gave them this information.
   The dispatcher informed me that the plates I had given belonged to a 'totally' different vehicle.  DAMN!  Then a police officer called me and re-entered the plates and gave me the same information.  However, he said that he was so concerned that an APB was being issued within the city and county to locate this vehicle, this man and his children.  WHEW!
   My VOICE was heard.  Through the SILENCE of the children their VOICE was also heard.  I will NEVER be afraid to speak out - for anything!  NEVER!

M. O. M. =

   M.O.M. = Miracles of Miracles!  Yep, that was my mom.  Seems the longer she is gone from this earth the closer she is in my soul, my person, my Spirit and all with Love.
   Today I went to our county fair (that's an entire other BLOG) and I always run into people I've not seen in a long time.  Today I ran into a couple I've known for over 30 years and they knew my parents.  After the greetings, hugs, how do's, etc., Dave says to me, "Waite (that's what he's always called me), you look just like your mom"!  Oh my - I came so close to tears.
   This is not the first time I've been told this and I'm certain not the last time.  The difference today was that his words were exactly what I was in need of hearing at the moment.  I, too, see a striking resemblance and take these words as a compliment.
   You see, my mom was a wonderful woman.  Deeply Spiritual. Compassionate.  Patient.  Giving.  Loving.  Empathetic.  Sympathetic.  Simple.  Honest.  True.  Humble.  Etc.,  Etc.,  Each day I miss her with an incredible ache and pain that goes beyond description really.  These were her greatest qualities.  She also was a woman of little wants and needs.  She was simple.  She did not wear make-up.  She was always crisp and clean.  She had a wonderful smile, pretty teeth and sparkling eyes.
   I, too, have been told I have these qualities.  I, too, have been told my appearance is very similar in the simplicity of style.  My smile is pretty, genuine and my eyes sparkle!
   Some years ago I awaken during the night and wrote a poem that I cherish.  I cannot remember all of the words but I do remember the last line:

I looked in the mirror

and who did

I see

?

My M.O.M.

looking

back

at me

!

   Indeed, she is gone from this world.  Indeed, she LIVES in me, through me, with me - forever!  She was a Miracle of Miracles and taught me to believe the same.

   We are ALL Miracles.  ALWAYS!  Today, yesterday and tomorrow!  LOVE you mom and MISS you like crazy!  Hugs to you and dad until we meet again!

Perseverence

   Many years ago as I celebrated my birthday with a close family of friends, 'wishes' were passed from each to the celebrant.  A small child, 6 years of age, said to me, "Michele, I wish for you perseverance."
I replied with a thank-you and a stunned look upon my face.  Perseverance!  What was perseverance, what did it mean, and where did this little kid learn such a big word?  I could not wait until I was able to access a dictionary and look up the definition of this word hoping I was able to even spell it. I was able to do this and have spent many days since that time persevering many things!
   Why is this so important today as it was then?  I've decided that unless I continue to seek out the truth of who I am, my purpose in life and go forward - this birthday wish had no meaning.  So, I continue on and push the thoughts away of age, physical ailments, money, etc. to attain what it is that I know to be my truth, purpose and self.
   No matter what often seems to be unattainable in the end I must remember that each day I let pass I lose and waste.  Today is the day I must start at my beginning!  I must persevere what is so very important to me.  Baby steps.  Little by little.  Never giving up or giving in.  I will DO IT!  I WILL persevere.
   WHY?  Because I MUST!

Fast forward 45 years . . .

   As a small child of 8 years old and attending parochial school, there were two things I sooooooo wanted to do.
 
   FIRST - to ring the bells letting all know that church service's were beginning.
   SECOND - to be an altar server and close to the the 'table'.

   However, the 'rules' of the church in which I was raised did NOT allow girls to do either one of these.  So, I just wrote a letter to the POPE.  Certainly he could and would make a change.  NOT!  What's one to do then as a child so young and wanting to serve in these small ways?

   I went on to become serve as a Eucharistic Minister, a Lector, a Youth Minister, visiting the sick and bringing the Eucharist and prayer, a guitar player during services and still grew into adulthood realizing that that same hole I had as an 8 year old child was never filled.

   Fast forward 45 years!

   Recently I attended the funeral of a childhood classmate at a church that felt familiar & similar with a HUGE difference.  The priest is a woman, the alter server(s) acolytes are girls, the bell ringing is shared, the lay ministers are women & men, etc. etc. etc.  I FOUND my place!  I have attended ever since!

   I now RING that bell.  Three short rings, PAUSE, three short rings, PAUSE, three short rings, PAUSE.  Soon, I will once again be reading the word. One day I will be so close to that table that this 53 years old woman will be able to forgive the wrongs spoken and shown to a small 8 year old child of God.

   I have learned NEVER to QUIT!

   NEVER!

   There IS and ALWAYS will be a place at the table!

  

. . . chicken skin . . . = . . . goose bumps . . .

   Many times in the last several weeks I find myself in a reflective, gratifying and extremely quiet place.  While I am experiencing this space my body often becomes covered with 'chicken skin' or more commonly known as goose bumps.  Today has been one of those days.
   I was remembering a recent kindness of a friend who lives across the country and whom I have not seen for 40 years.  After having had two surgeries in as many weeks, I realized that I would not be getting three paychecks from my 19 hour per week job.  Quite nervous and without any reserves, I made a comment on good old FACEBOOK.  Much to my surprise this person messaged me, asked if I had a Western Union near by, and instructed me to go there and pick up some money she had wired me. I was shocked and humbled at the same time.
   I picked it up (later able to re-pay the kindness) and was grateful to eat, have gas and manage during this time of struggle.  I made a DECISION that day and have committed to live with this decision until the end of my days.
   I cannot nor must not go to bed on any given day without extending this kindness to another.  What a delight this has been, changing my entire outlook on life and myself.  Courage, humility, Love, etc. has surrounded me.
   When I shared this with the person who extended their kindness she shared this story with me.  Seems many, many years ago she was left with two small children and had 1/2 cup of rice in the cupboards.  Unable to reach out for reasons of her own,  somewhere, somehow, somebody KNEW.  Alas, a knock upon her door and bags and bags of groceries were delivered to she and her children.  When she asked what she could do to 'pay back' this kindness, they replied by simply stating that a time would come when someone would be in need of her kindness.
   Lo and behold - many years later - I was the recipient of the Love.
   Some call it KARMA, others KINDNESS.  I have chosen to call this GRACE.
   My wish for you is that you not only are a recipient of Love, kindness and grace on a daily basis but that you pass this on.  Something like the GOLDEN RULE that is so powerful, magical and SIMPLE!
   One rule, so simple, so honest - that makes an entire difference in one's life.  It certainly has in mine!

Amazement

   I often wonder what it is I will share with you here on this SIMPLE and open space.  Just moments ago it comes to me.
   I've have been standing in the parking lot of McDonald's (home of my FREE WiFi connection), speaking to two strangers in a truck.  Oleg & Oxana are traveling around the world in their very own truck from Russia.  Thus far, they have visisted four of our continents.  I have yet to visit their blog:  www.radul.ru but I certainly will when I've finished here.
   What comes to me is the 'strenght' and 'will' of a young couple wanting to pursue what many of us may only do via DVD's, magazines or the Internet.  THEY have taken the 'risk' with their 'want' to go where their hearts lead them.
   One of the things they shared with me was this:  All people, in all places they have visited thus far, have been kind.  The people of the United Stated have been ESPECIALLY kind and warm to them.  This makes me PROUD and touched my heart.
   I left them with these words, "No matter where we come from, or where we are going, we ALL come from the SAME place."  My place is from the loving arms of my creator.  Theirs is also!

"L" ove

   Today, as I was struggling with quite a bit of pain from a rotator cuff problem, I realized how very important Love is in my life!  I write love with a CAPITAL "L" as I reference the equivalent to God when I use it.
   My parents filled me with a great love though rarely said the words until I became an adult.  Rather, I should say, I do NOT remember hearing the words until I was an adult.  What changed?  I began to Love who I was as a person and to acknowledge "L"ove in my life and it's meaning to me.
   Very recently, the last six months or so, "L"ove has surrounded me in many ways and in doing so has allowed me to "L"ove others in an honest, caring and reverent way.  My parents, in their quietness and reserved ways, actually taught me a lot about this "L"ove through their own deeds and actions.
   We are given the opportunity to choose, pass on and render the BEST we have been given throughout our lives.  Today I CHOOSE to pass on this "L"ove that makes ALL of the difference in each and every day.
   I wish for you "L"ove in every sense of the word.
   Blessings!

WOW!

   Tonight I was chatting with a friend who has M.S. and quite a Spirit about her.  She had mentioned she was enjoying her salad, although she can no longer taste anything, but 'remembered' what it used to taste like.  Kind of like having sight as a child, going blind as an adult, but 'remembering' in your MIND's EYE what your experiences were from the past.  AWESOME!  So glad that I GOT it!
   Sometimes in the 'simpleness' of life we need to remember the things that gave us great JOY and PEACE and TENDERNESS.  This was one for her and keeps her going as she deals with her symptoms.  We have shared with one another that things happen in HIS time, NOT ours.  Onward to the second blessing:
   Remember the previous story of the 8 1/2 year old child who wanted to work on his scouting medal in RELIGION?  Well . . . he and his parents took the FIRST step and met with a religious person.  Seems the ENTIRE family has made a choice to go FORWARD in learning what is expected of them on their journey of returning HOME.
   When all of us remember that things happen in HIS time and NOT ours - we are indeed BLESSED with the SiMpLiCiTy that this life brings to us!

Memories . . .

   Today I was thinking about a young child who I spent much time with when his single mother was away on military business.  This little guy was bright, handsome, simple and intense.  While driving along one day, he says to me, "I remember when I was a sperm in heaven".  "Really!" I said.
   He continues on to tell me that before he was born and living in heaven, God asked him who he would like for his mother once he came to earth.  This child shared with me that he saw two women, one who looked sad and was wearing a bathrobe and the other who was younger, playing with children and looked happy.  He then goes on to say the following:
   "I saw the younger lady and thought I'd like to have her as my mom and we'd have lots of fun."  "Then I looked at the other lady in her bathrobe, the one who looked sad, and told God that I would pick her."  When I asked how he came to his decision, he told me that it was important to pick the sad lady because he knew that HE would bring her happiness and that the other lady was already happy.
   This year that child is 30 years old, engaged and doing well for himself.  The sad woman is happy and the happy woman is childless. 
   Who would have known the ending of a child's thoughts and ideas some 25 years later? Not I?

From a mind so young!

   Of all things to happen on an overcast Monday in the form of receiving a long awaited phone call from my eight birthday present - my younger brother.  Never would I have thought in all my days that he would call me and inquire about something so sweet, complex yet simple in it's own blessings!
   Yes, I was asked if I had the family Bible in my possession.  Certainly I do as it is a family keepsake and now for THIS family to be in need of the very same book!.. WOW! 
  Seems my youngest nephew, at the tender age of 8 1/2, is wanting to work on his 'religious' medal through scouting and has opted to take the longer road of meeting with a church pastor, attending meetings, getting his 'agnostic' dad and 'pagan' mom involved to earn something that is so very important to him.  The simpleness of a mind so young yet so GREAT!
   BLESSINGS abound!